what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize