Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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