that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
