Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
