Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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