When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
