Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
