We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
