I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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