i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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