you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize