Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I forget how to act sober
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
