Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
