Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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