I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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