I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
