you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
