You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
