if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Randomize
