So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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