U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
