Cold hands, warm shart.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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