Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
