I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
