they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she smelled like a LAN party
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
