well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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