Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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