Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And the cops told us we were all naked.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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