My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
