so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
