pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
