People with herpes should wear stickers.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
