Swine flu. Run for my life!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
