He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
