i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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