How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
