That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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