I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
