I think I died a long time ago.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
