You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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