just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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