i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
