me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize