things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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