So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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