My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
