She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
