Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
