guys are only as good as the porn they watch
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
