so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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