ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
