I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
