You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
