I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
