So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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