First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
