my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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