Soap is not a condiment
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
