I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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