Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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