Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
