I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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