im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
