i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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