Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
