Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
